


i grow sadder but not wiser (nor older)

by makemelovely



Series: there is something aching in me, and i don't know what it is [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Bitterness, Book 4: The Battle of the Labyrinth, Character Study, F/M, Falling In Love, I love her, Minor Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Minor Calypso/Leo Valdez, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Second Person, Pining, References to Depression, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, but a little bit of hoo, is where its mostly set, leo is never named but like its obvious, poor calypso tbh, she deserves better, soft sad bean calypso, vague mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 03:51:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13539108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: You love and love and it never turns out right. You burn for another life, one that is better. Or maybe worse. Anything that is not this.//or Calypso and her beautiful prison.





	i grow sadder but not wiser (nor older)

You spend your lifetime in a prison. A beautiful one, but it is still undeniably a prison. Some days you can’t lift your hands to brush your hair so the servants do it for you. You spend years wondering when the next boy will come along. You don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve last had one, and you don’t know how long it’s been since a girl has washed up on your shore.

 

Your eyes are fixed on the ceiling of your cave, and you feel the cool hands of the servants lift you up. Your hands collapse against your white dress, brushing against the smooth fabric as they help you to a chair. For a mirror you have a bronze plate, scrubbed until it shines. They brush your hair, caramel hair rising and falling. You swallow roughly, and drag a hand up to wave them away. “That is enough.” You command, your words hollow and empty.

 

It echoes in the empty cave for eternities, and it feels like you can breath.

 

***

 

You watch him fall like a comet, skin burning and glowing with the dying light of a star. You can practically feel the heat of him from the shore. He hits the water, and disappears into the depths of the sea. Your legs move without your permission, and you find yourself in the water. You dress spreads out in the water, the white fabric turning see-through. You forced yourself through the water, pushing against the current. You find a burst of speed, and you slam into something invisible. The barrier. Dread fills your stomach like an anchor.

 

The boy surfaces, lying on his back as if he’s okay. He’s  _ not _ . It looks like he’s not even breathing, and suddenly you are screaming. Blood rushes in your ears, and you beat against the barrier with your fists. You are sobbing and screaming and everything is falling apart at the edges of your world.

 

You dread this hero, and the inevitability that comes with him but you don’t want him to die. You take a few steps back, and fling yourself against the barrier. You hit it like you knew you would, and you allow yourself to sink into the sea. Your vision turns blue, and you release all the breath from your lungs. It would be so nice if you could die. It would so peaceful to finally rest.

 

***

 

His name is Percy, and you suppose it wouldn’t be so bad to fall in love with this particular hero.

 

***

 

It is that bad, and you curse the gods again for all the atrocities they have put you through. They have wreaked havoc on your emotions, and they deserve to be cast to Tartarus.

 

Maybe this is why they have cursed you.

 

***

 

You wait for him to drift into your perimeter, and you sob in relief when your fingers wrap around the cloth of his shirt.

 

You drag him to the island, and his eyes shoot open the moment his back hits the sand.

 

“Shh.” You tell him, hoping that he isn’t scared of you. You smooth his hair back, and his eyes flutter. “I am Calypso.” You whisper, and it takes everything to draw the words from your mouth. Your voice is hoarse, the words scraped from your throat in a guttural way.

 

***

 

He leaves to save the world and  _ this  _ is why you love him. He is selfless, even as he breaks your heart. You think that makes you love him more.

 

***

 

Another boy lands on your island, and you don’t think it has been a thousand years later. He calls you Sunshine sarcastically, and you hate him. You loathe him. You abhor him.

 

You don’t really. You love him so much it burns, but that fits because he burns too.

 

***

 

Percy dreams of a girl named Annabeth, and you suspect he leaves for her too. You curse her bitterly, and for a moment it feels nice.

 

The feeling doesn’t last, and you regret it more than anything. What would Percy think if he found out?

 

You pray to all the gods he never finds out, and you think you hear laughter, low and gleeful. You tell yourself that it’s your imagination, but something in your gut tells you that it’s not.

 

***

 

You curl up on the sand, and the sun shines above you. It is never too hot or too cold. It’s just right. You hate it. You hate this island, your home, your prison. You can’t breathe here, and you wish to leave. Oh, gods, you wish to leave so badly. But you can’t because you stupidly followed your father. You loved him, you see, and that’s where you went wrong.

 

***   
  
You love and love and it never turns out right. You burn for another life, one that is better. Or maybe worse. Anything that is not this.

 

***

 

Ogygia is your home and your prison and the only thing you know anymore.

 

***

 

Percy leaves and you sink into the hopelessness of how inevitable your love is. The gods will send another hero, and you will love again.

 

***

 

You spend a day on the island, and you love it. As far as prisons go, this is nice. You think this before you know the heartache of endless love and leaving and you wish you had hated your father.

 

***

 

Percy promises to get you off the island and come back and-

 

And-

 

And he never returns while you never leave. You should know better than to trust heroes. It never ends well for you.

 


End file.
